Lonely road of faith

I have this amazing group of friends. The interactions we can all have, the groups within the groups, the spiderweb of personal ties. They can all be baffling to an outsider but to us they make perfect sense.

I will be friends with these people till I'm old and grey and can barely remember their names or how we became friends.

That would be why it's always hurt a little that my possibly-soon-to-be-ex-wife has never shown much of any interest in getting to that level of friendship with them. It's like you have this super-favorite song, you think it's the greatest song ever recorded, and this person you care so much about has no interest what so ever in listening to it. Beyond that, they think it's a ridiculous notion for you to even feel that way about it.

That's really only part of OUR problem, and not the point of why I'm writing. The point is, I see others in our group noticing this amazing chemistry we all have and reveling in it. I find myself jealous of having no one to reflect on it with.

Or share it with.

In a different time, and with a different group of friends, I had someone who enjoyed sharing that connection with me. I find myself tonight remembering that feeling, and maybe missing it a bit. I don't pretend to know what that means, but I do know that a lot of feelings these days look the same direction.

So I wonder tonight, is it possible to look to the past without looking backward? Are there really second chances in life? Can we dare to find answers in places we've already tried looking?

I can only assume that the darkness of winter holds a few surprises. Here's to finding answers in the damnedest places...

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Radio Waves

Sometimes I lay in my bed listening online to Big Sonic Chill from San Diego, and I can feel like a little lost child who can't quite remember home.

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dog

How is it that I can feel like I live a lifetime every weekend, yet I still feel like life is passing me by?

It starts....

Its starts with a haze... the haze becomes a fog... the fog becomes a whirlwind... the whirlwind creates an epicenter...

All of creation points to one singular point... that point is the beating heart of all that breathes. And there is where you find me. Saturday night. The heartbeat of 1,000 lions roaring in my ears. It happens. All around. I breathe it in. My Saturday.

Mystery pains

Somehow on a weekend where i specifically planned not to go out, I end up still feeling sore and a little worn on monday evening. This after not even getting out till almost midnight Saturday. I didn't even DANCE. That i remember.

I did have one of those really great late night talks with Markie. In the old days before the group got so big, it was always us at the end of each night just playing our music and talking about life. Those talks reaffirm my faith in the institute of best-friendship.

These pictures aren't from this week but they're fairly recent, I know Sarah was bugging for some.

Now: Pride Week. Time to bring it.

It's been a while...

I knew I'd be back, and I bet you did to.

It's been about 5 years since I posted anything of substance in the old journal I kept called "Babylon Fading". It was a different part of my life, and it burned me out all to quickly. Now... now, it's time to finally shine.

After all, isn't it better to burn out, than to fade away?