Lonely road of faith

I have this amazing group of friends. The interactions we can all have, the groups within the groups, the spiderweb of personal ties. They can all be baffling to an outsider but to us they make perfect sense.

I will be friends with these people till I'm old and grey and can barely remember their names or how we became friends.

That would be why it's always hurt a little that my possibly-soon-to-be-ex-wife has never shown much of any interest in getting to that level of friendship with them. It's like you have this super-favorite song, you think it's the greatest song ever recorded, and this person you care so much about has no interest what so ever in listening to it. Beyond that, they think it's a ridiculous notion for you to even feel that way about it.

That's really only part of OUR problem, and not the point of why I'm writing. The point is, I see others in our group noticing this amazing chemistry we all have and reveling in it. I find myself jealous of having no one to reflect on it with.

Or share it with.

In a different time, and with a different group of friends, I had someone who enjoyed sharing that connection with me. I find myself tonight remembering that feeling, and maybe missing it a bit. I don't pretend to know what that means, but I do know that a lot of feelings these days look the same direction.

So I wonder tonight, is it possible to look to the past without looking backward? Are there really second chances in life? Can we dare to find answers in places we've already tried looking?

I can only assume that the darkness of winter holds a few surprises. Here's to finding answers in the damnedest places...

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